It's been seven weeks since I lost my precious Myles, and for the first time today I got to see the pictures taken by the photographer.  They bring so many mixed emotions, everything seems to these days, but the overpowering emotion they have brought to me is pride.  So now I'm just excited to be a gloating mom and show off my baby.  

Interesting diary. And I agree with you that an immediate c-section does not necessarily protect babies from maladies such as cerebral palsy. But I am not sure it is fair to hold this against Edwards and not ask the others on their position regarding maternal health. They would probably tell the doctor to perform the c-section, too, to avoid being sued if not by Edwards, then by some other trial attorney. 'Tis the American way, unfortunately. -Elisa

I don't hold disdain for John Edwards because he is a trial lawyer.  I respect trial lawyers as an important part of our democracy; they are our last recourse against the gov't the huge corporations, etc., etc.  Trial lawyers fight important battles for the American People everyday.  Having said that, I've got a little problem with some of Edwards lawsuits and their implication for women's health.    

Myles Ray was born at rest on November 24th, 2007, at 3:04 pm.  He was 37 weeks gestation, he weighed 6 pounds 6 ounces.  He passed away in the womb sometime between Tuesday and Friday, we're not sure of when, and we don't have any clear indications why.  I was able to have a natural child birth/water birth, something you all know was extremely important to me although I had wanted it under much different circumstances.  We have all had time with Myles' beautiful little body (he was perfect, beautiful) to say goodbye.  We have many keepsakes to remember him by, and have been overwhelmed with all the love and support we have received from our family, and hospital staff.  This is not the news I wanted to share with you all, but I thought it important that you know what has happened.  Thank you in advance for your support.  

As a second time mother, I feel more fear and anxiety about my second birth than I did for my first.  It's hard to explain, obviously there are more knowns and I've done it before, but I've got a lot of baggage from my first birth and unpacking has not been easy.  I've only just recently begun to really process it, name it, and understand it.  It's been a tough journey, one that has taken me over 4 years, and one I've made basically alone.  It's not a moment too soon.  I'm on 4th week of bedrest for preterm labor, expecting my second anytime between now and December 14th.  I find writing thereapeutic, so this diary is one of the last thing I feel like I need to do before I can finally be at peace for my upcoming birth.  So, if you're interested in some long winded emotional 'nesting', meet me over the fold.

Erin already covered this issue over at huffington post, but I was so appalled (after just managing to watch Friday's episode tonight) that I had to vent.  

First, I've known in my gut that Bill Maher is a misogynist child hating prick.  Somehow I've managed to overlook his hatred of women and children, mostly because his hatred is generally contained, and if discussed, mostly alluded to.  I now feel guilty for overlooking it for so long, I should've done along time ago what I did tonight.  I've untivoed Bill and I will never watch his show again.

Earlier this week, I listened to a pregtastic podcast, something I've enjoyed during the course of my pregnancy, and I learned all about BOLD which stands for Birth on Labor Day.  The play, Birth, was written by Karen Brody.  The idea of BOLD is to use the month of September to educate people about the realities of childbirth in the US using this compilation of birth stories.  According to Karen Brody, BOLD has really taken off, this is only the second year and it has already expanded across the globe with showings in many major cities.

What a great topic. I wrestle with similar feelings, and I sometimes wonder if lots of other moms do too. I was thrilled to have a daughter but plan to have another child...and knowing there's a 50/50 chance I'll have a boy fills me with ambivalence. I'm guessing that washes away the moment you see your son's face... -Erika

Yes, I'm overtly, unabashedly sexist.  I have a preference, it is for girls.  No, not a sexual preference, but a general preference as far as what gender (of course there is variation within gender) best represents a 'good person'.  Ugh, I'm going to dig myself a big hole explaining this one.  This has never posed much of problem for me, except when my DH and I discuss it, but it is weighing more heavily on my psyche recently as I am currently 6 months pregnant with a little boy.